Growing Up

I remember thinking to myself when I was a kid that I didn't ever want to grow up. I think I might have even made a wish or two for that very thing, to never grow up. Or maybe it was just a wish to never grow old. Either way, here I am at 36 yrs old and, guess what, I still haven't grown up; not really anyway. I still feel like that 20something year old kid that didn't have a clue as to what he wanted to do with his life. I still play video games and play on myspace more than I do anything else, besides watch TV. I would still rather stay up all night and sleep in. Cereal for dinner is still a viable option some nights when I don't feel like cooking.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not immature or childish. I just don't "FEEL" like I've grown up. I can "ACT" grown up and I can make grown up decisions, but it sometimes feels like that's what it is, an ACT. Perhaps feeling this way is a sign that it's time for me to "grow up". Maybe it's like an adiction. Admitting that you have a problem is the first step. Or maybe it has something to do with where I live. I always used to joke around by saying that I lived in "Never Never Land." Living in a college town, you don't ever HAVE to grow up if you dont want to. The majority of the population of this town never gets older. As they get older, the move away and a fresh new group comes in to replace them. Hmmm, I wonder if I'll grow up instantly if I were to move somewhere outside of College Station. Probably not, but it might be worth a shot. Either way, I think it's time to start thinking of moving out of College Station.

As I'm writing this blog, I keep hearing that song from the old Toys R Us commercials..."I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid..."

Each day I find myself still wondering what it is that I want to do or be when I grow up. I've had lots of different jobs since I left the military. I'd like to say that I was like Shawn Spencer from the TV show Psych and that I took each of those jobs because I wanted the experience and once I had mastered them, I moved on. Maybe its because I have ADHD that I get bored with jobs easily. I think it all just boils down to not really knowing what it is that I want to do with my life.

I know I want to be happy with my life in general. First and foremost as far as a job is concerned, I want to be happy and satisfied with my work. My mom says that most people don't like thier jobs and that its just a way to make money to pay your bills; you don't have to like it. That's probably true, but I don't think its a rule. So, I'm probably gonna keep trying to figure out what job will make me happy. I've started to pray for guidance in this quest. I feel as though I'm being "pushed" in the direction of teaching. By "pushed" I mean that I feel as though I'm being guided towards teaching. So, I'm seriously considering getting my teaching certification to teach high school speech. But, in the mean time I had to go out and get a "real job". And of course by "real job" I mean one that actually pays. And, it's definitely just that, a job. It's definitely not a career. It'll do for now until I can decide what I want to be when I grow up.

Maybe tomorrow night I'll sit outside and wait for that first star to appear so that I can make a wish to grow up, or better yet, just go find one of those fortune telling arcade machine things and wish to "be big."

"I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid..."

I guess what they say is true. Be careful what you wish for.