I remember thinking to myself when I was a kid that I didn't ever want to grow up. I think I might have even made a wish or two for that very thing, to never grow up. Or maybe it was just a wish to never grow old. Either way, here I am at 36 yrs old and, guess what, I still haven't grown up; not really anyway. I still feel like that 20something year old kid that didn't have a clue as to what he wanted to do with his life. I still play video games and play on myspace more than I do anything else, besides watch TV. I would still rather stay up all night and sleep in. Cereal for dinner is still a viable option some nights when I don't feel like cooking.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not immature or childish. I just don't "FEEL" like I've grown up. I can "ACT" grown up and I can make grown up decisions, but it sometimes feels like that's what it is, an ACT. Perhaps feeling this way is a sign that it's time for me to "grow up". Maybe it's like an adiction. Admitting that you have a problem is the first step. Or maybe it has something to do with where I live. I always used to joke around by saying that I lived in "Never Never Land." Living in a college town, you don't ever HAVE to grow up if you dont want to. The majority of the population of this town never gets older. As they get older, the move away and a fresh new group comes in to replace them. Hmmm, I wonder if I'll grow up instantly if I were to move somewhere outside of College Station. Probably not, but it might be worth a shot. Either way, I think it's time to start thinking of moving out of College Station.
As I'm writing this blog, I keep hearing that song from the old Toys R Us commercials..."I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid..."
Each day I find myself still wondering what it is that I want to do or be when I grow up. I've had lots of different jobs since I left the military. I'd like to say that I was like Shawn Spencer from the TV show Psych and that I took each of those jobs because I wanted the experience and once I had mastered them, I moved on. Maybe its because I have ADHD that I get bored with jobs easily. I think it all just boils down to not really knowing what it is that I want to do with my life.
I know I want to be happy with my life in general. First and foremost as far as a job is concerned, I want to be happy and satisfied with my work. My mom says that most people don't like thier jobs and that its just a way to make money to pay your bills; you don't have to like it. That's probably true, but I don't think its a rule. So, I'm probably gonna keep trying to figure out what job will make me happy. I've started to pray for guidance in this quest. I feel as though I'm being "pushed" in the direction of teaching. By "pushed" I mean that I feel as though I'm being guided towards teaching. So, I'm seriously considering getting my teaching certification to teach high school speech. But, in the mean time I had to go out and get a "real job". And of course by "real job" I mean one that actually pays. And, it's definitely just that, a job. It's definitely not a career. It'll do for now until I can decide what I want to be when I grow up.
Maybe tomorrow night I'll sit outside and wait for that first star to appear so that I can make a wish to grow up, or better yet, just go find one of those fortune telling arcade machine things and wish to "be big."
"I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid..."
I guess what they say is true. Be careful what you wish for.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
How Do You See Things?
I read this story today in a blog and wanted to share it with you along with my personal interpretation.
There were two shoe salesmen who traveled to a third world country in search of new business opportunities.
One man called his wife the moment he landed, telling her, “Honey, I’m coming back home. There’s no hope here. Nobody here is wearing shoes, so there’s no one to sell to.” He boarded the next flight home.
The second man called his wife and said, “Honey, you wouldn’t believe what I found here. There is so much opportunity. No one here is wearing shoes. I can sell to the whole country!”
We always hear clichés like, “when you are given lemons, make lemonade” or “you have to play the cards you’re dealt.” Often people will ask if you see the glass half empty or half full. Your personal perception of the situation you find yourself in, whatever that situation is, will determine the outcome. God often gives us opportunities to grow and become better people. Some people forge ahead in the face of difficult times or challenges, and come out on the other end better for having done so; even if they previously thought that they weren’t up to the challenge. There are others that will see the obstacles, determine that they are insurmountable, and just give up.
God never gives us more than we can handle. Sometimes, we need reminding of that. I know that I do. We also need to remember that with the help of God, all things are possible. I also need to be reminded of this from time to time. I need to remember to sometimes let go, ask for God’s help, and be open to His solution. So, I leave you with one last “cliché”: If God brings you to it, He will see you through it.
There were two shoe salesmen who traveled to a third world country in search of new business opportunities.
One man called his wife the moment he landed, telling her, “Honey, I’m coming back home. There’s no hope here. Nobody here is wearing shoes, so there’s no one to sell to.” He boarded the next flight home.
The second man called his wife and said, “Honey, you wouldn’t believe what I found here. There is so much opportunity. No one here is wearing shoes. I can sell to the whole country!”
We always hear clichés like, “when you are given lemons, make lemonade” or “you have to play the cards you’re dealt.” Often people will ask if you see the glass half empty or half full. Your personal perception of the situation you find yourself in, whatever that situation is, will determine the outcome. God often gives us opportunities to grow and become better people. Some people forge ahead in the face of difficult times or challenges, and come out on the other end better for having done so; even if they previously thought that they weren’t up to the challenge. There are others that will see the obstacles, determine that they are insurmountable, and just give up.
God never gives us more than we can handle. Sometimes, we need reminding of that. I know that I do. We also need to remember that with the help of God, all things are possible. I also need to be reminded of this from time to time. I need to remember to sometimes let go, ask for God’s help, and be open to His solution. So, I leave you with one last “cliché”: If God brings you to it, He will see you through it.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Parents
I have two incredibly awesome parents. Now, I know that alot of people out there have great parents. So, my statement may not seem that extraordinary. But, I have had people close to me try to make me feel guilty for having a great family. They have tried to make me feel almost ashamed of myself for having grown up with both of my parents still married, living in the same house, without physical abuse or emotional trauma. I'm sorry, but I don't feel guilty about that. However, I am guilty of something else. I'm guilty of not appreciating my parents enough, and more importantly for not expressing my appreciation for them more often.
My parents have done more for me than I probably deserve, even when I didn't treat them with the utmost respect. I can honestly say, that without my parents I would be living in a cardboard box under a bridge somewhere. I have made some really bad choices in the last 18 years; some small, some huge. But each and every time my parents have been there to lift me back up and to offer encouragement. The most important thing that my parents have done for me is that they have allowed me to fail, but have ALWAYS been there to lift me back up again when I do.
It's said that you learn more from your mistakes than you do from your accomplishments. My parents have allowed me to learn things the hard way, but I am a better person because of it. And I know that no matter how badly I fail, my parents will be there to pick me up, dust me off, love me and encourage me to carry on. I hope and pray that I am at least half the parent to my boys that my parents are to me.
Mom and Dad, thank you for all that you have done for me. I love you, even more than you know.
My parents have done more for me than I probably deserve, even when I didn't treat them with the utmost respect. I can honestly say, that without my parents I would be living in a cardboard box under a bridge somewhere. I have made some really bad choices in the last 18 years; some small, some huge. But each and every time my parents have been there to lift me back up and to offer encouragement. The most important thing that my parents have done for me is that they have allowed me to fail, but have ALWAYS been there to lift me back up again when I do.
It's said that you learn more from your mistakes than you do from your accomplishments. My parents have allowed me to learn things the hard way, but I am a better person because of it. And I know that no matter how badly I fail, my parents will be there to pick me up, dust me off, love me and encourage me to carry on. I hope and pray that I am at least half the parent to my boys that my parents are to me.
Mom and Dad, thank you for all that you have done for me. I love you, even more than you know.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Independence Day
The 4th of July. Independence Day. America’s Birthday. Whatever you call it, it’s a pretty neat holiday! It’s a day to celebrate the birth of a GREAT nation. With all the negative things you read and see in the media about how the rest of the world (and sometimes some of our own citizens) view us as a nation we sometimes lose sight of how truly wonderful our country is and how incredible our freedoms really are.
In the 232 years since our country’s birth (signing of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776), the American people and the United States of America have helped end TWO world wars, defeated communism, stopped tyrants and ruthless dictators, provided humanitarian aid, and loaned countless billions of dollars to other countries (with no real expectation of ever being repaid), and oh so much more.
In our relatively short history this GREAT country of ours has basically stood up to every challenge, every madman, and every horrific situation and emphatically said “NOT ON MY WATCH!”
The rest of the world dislikes us (dare I say even HATES us) because we always stand up for what WE think is right and not just sit and be bystanders. Let them!
Anyone that knows me knows that I’m a pretty big patriotic person. So, it would go to reason that I love this holiday as much, or more, than any other. But I ask that you please remember why it is that you get to enjoy this wonderful day. Remember that there is a reason that we have the PRIVILEGE to celebrate and enjoy the freedoms that we have. Today, all over the world there are young (and not so young) men and women who have devoted themselves to protecting our freedoms and our way of life. So, as you fire up the grill today and spend time with your loved ones pause and think about the guy or girl that is half a world away fighting to keep this country GREAT.
GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!
In the 232 years since our country’s birth (signing of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776), the American people and the United States of America have helped end TWO world wars, defeated communism, stopped tyrants and ruthless dictators, provided humanitarian aid, and loaned countless billions of dollars to other countries (with no real expectation of ever being repaid), and oh so much more.
In our relatively short history this GREAT country of ours has basically stood up to every challenge, every madman, and every horrific situation and emphatically said “NOT ON MY WATCH!”
The rest of the world dislikes us (dare I say even HATES us) because we always stand up for what WE think is right and not just sit and be bystanders. Let them!
Anyone that knows me knows that I’m a pretty big patriotic person. So, it would go to reason that I love this holiday as much, or more, than any other. But I ask that you please remember why it is that you get to enjoy this wonderful day. Remember that there is a reason that we have the PRIVILEGE to celebrate and enjoy the freedoms that we have. Today, all over the world there are young (and not so young) men and women who have devoted themselves to protecting our freedoms and our way of life. So, as you fire up the grill today and spend time with your loved ones pause and think about the guy or girl that is half a world away fighting to keep this country GREAT.
GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Your Life's Plan
When I was young and growing up I had a lot of goals and dreams. I would think about all the things that I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime. When I was leaving high school I still had a lot of goals and thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do and where I wanted my life to go. Then life happens and you lose your way a little bit, or veer off course. I remember when I was 25 I was starting a new chapter in my life and in my first year at A&M and I thought to myself, "AH HA. This is where things turn around and I get everything that I've wanted for my life." Wrong! I learned a lot between 25 and 30, and had some ups and downs along the way, but I still wasn't where I thought I should be. Then when I was 30 I thought, “Ok, NOW I know what I want to do and where I want to go.” Wrong again! I've struggled for the last 5 years in trying to learn who I am, what it is that I really want to do, and where it is that I really want my life to go. My 35th year is almost complete and now I'm FINALLY realizing it's not about where I want to be or where I want to go with my life that is the important thing. Sure, goals and dreams and wanting to better yourself and your situation for you and your family are very important. But the MOST important thing, at least as I have finally come to realize it, is that you surrender yourself to GOD's plan for WHAT you should do and WHERE you should be. Once you understand that, God has a wonderful way of putting things in place for you and placing the people in your life to help you achieve the life that HE wants for you.
I’m a smart guy. If you ask anyone that knows me, they might even tell you that I’m too smart (at least for my own good sometimes). But, even I’m smart enough to know that I’m not smarter than GOD. Who am I to say that what I want for me is better than what God wants for me? I’ll take God’s plan for me over my own plan for myself every day of the week and twice on Sunday.
I’m a smart guy. If you ask anyone that knows me, they might even tell you that I’m too smart (at least for my own good sometimes). But, even I’m smart enough to know that I’m not smarter than GOD. Who am I to say that what I want for me is better than what God wants for me? I’ll take God’s plan for me over my own plan for myself every day of the week and twice on Sunday.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Alone
I woke up this morning to a shocking realization. Although, it shouldn't have come as a shock to me, since it should have been painfully obvious. What was this shocking revelation? I woke up this morning realizing that I am alone; truly alone. Now, don't confuse this with being "lonely". For one can be lonely in a room full of people. I am saying that I am alone…isolated.
I once had lots of friends surrounding me; people that I worked with and went out with fairly regularly. In college I had classmates and other friends that I hung out with outside of the classroom. In the Navy I had my buddies that I hung out while we are off duty. But now there is no one. I guess I should ad a caveat to this statement in that I do have the company of my 16 year old son on a daily basis. So, in that aspect I am not LITERALLY alone. However, one might argue that it's a bit unusual and perhaps odd that my only companion is my 16 year old son. In the words of Clay himself, "when you think about it, that's a little bit pathetic." And, I guess it is pathetic. Now, I have family. They are all 3 hours away, at least. I get to see them once every several months. I have a girlfriend. But she isn't much closer at 2 hours away. I see her just slightly more often than I see my family.
How did I get to this place in my life where I have isolated myself from any close friends or companions? I guess that is the question that I am asking myself. As I look back I wonder what happened to all the friends that I have had over the years. Well, I didn't stay in touch with too many people from high school after I left for the Navy 13 days after graduation. They all moved on with their lives. And my Navy buddies stayed behind when I left the Navy and came home. I've stayed in touch with one though. He was my best friend back in those days. Now, we email occasionally and sometimes even talk on the phone. All my college friends graduated, moved, moved on, found significant others, gotten married, or any combination of thereof. A few of the really important friends from back then email every now and again, but I can honestly say that I haven't seen a single one of them in a few years. I still think of them as my closest friends, but the reality is that they are close friends from a previous time in my life. The same is similar for work friends that I have made since leaving college. For most of them, once you leave the job the "friendship" ends. If it does continue, rarely does it involve anything more than emails, myspace, or the occasional text message or phone call.
I guess I'm not good at making new friends. Oh, I have the skills and personality to make new friends. I think I choose to not make new friends. Maybe it's because I fear that they will just end up like my other friends…just names in an email address book.
I wonder if there is some deeper psychology behind this. Maybe stemming from an early childhood of military life where friends came and went as fathers and mothers were transferred to other bases. Back then you were lucky to have the same friends from school year to school year. But, I would think that those experiences would have made me better equipped to make new friends easily.
Maybe it's been the lack of financial stability and disposable income that has helped to isolate me. I mean, you can't have friends if you never go out with anyone when they invite you.
I guess it doesn't matter why. The fact still remains that I'm alone. Maybe when I start to earn some big money with my business I'll be able to afford to travel and reconnect with old friends. Maybe I'll be able to afford to go out and do things, meet new people and forge new friendships. I guess that's just one more reason why I need to make this business successful; because I don't want to be alone forever.
I once had lots of friends surrounding me; people that I worked with and went out with fairly regularly. In college I had classmates and other friends that I hung out with outside of the classroom. In the Navy I had my buddies that I hung out while we are off duty. But now there is no one. I guess I should ad a caveat to this statement in that I do have the company of my 16 year old son on a daily basis. So, in that aspect I am not LITERALLY alone. However, one might argue that it's a bit unusual and perhaps odd that my only companion is my 16 year old son. In the words of Clay himself, "when you think about it, that's a little bit pathetic." And, I guess it is pathetic. Now, I have family. They are all 3 hours away, at least. I get to see them once every several months. I have a girlfriend. But she isn't much closer at 2 hours away. I see her just slightly more often than I see my family.
How did I get to this place in my life where I have isolated myself from any close friends or companions? I guess that is the question that I am asking myself. As I look back I wonder what happened to all the friends that I have had over the years. Well, I didn't stay in touch with too many people from high school after I left for the Navy 13 days after graduation. They all moved on with their lives. And my Navy buddies stayed behind when I left the Navy and came home. I've stayed in touch with one though. He was my best friend back in those days. Now, we email occasionally and sometimes even talk on the phone. All my college friends graduated, moved, moved on, found significant others, gotten married, or any combination of thereof. A few of the really important friends from back then email every now and again, but I can honestly say that I haven't seen a single one of them in a few years. I still think of them as my closest friends, but the reality is that they are close friends from a previous time in my life. The same is similar for work friends that I have made since leaving college. For most of them, once you leave the job the "friendship" ends. If it does continue, rarely does it involve anything more than emails, myspace, or the occasional text message or phone call.
I guess I'm not good at making new friends. Oh, I have the skills and personality to make new friends. I think I choose to not make new friends. Maybe it's because I fear that they will just end up like my other friends…just names in an email address book.
I wonder if there is some deeper psychology behind this. Maybe stemming from an early childhood of military life where friends came and went as fathers and mothers were transferred to other bases. Back then you were lucky to have the same friends from school year to school year. But, I would think that those experiences would have made me better equipped to make new friends easily.
Maybe it's been the lack of financial stability and disposable income that has helped to isolate me. I mean, you can't have friends if you never go out with anyone when they invite you.
I guess it doesn't matter why. The fact still remains that I'm alone. Maybe when I start to earn some big money with my business I'll be able to afford to travel and reconnect with old friends. Maybe I'll be able to afford to go out and do things, meet new people and forge new friendships. I guess that's just one more reason why I need to make this business successful; because I don't want to be alone forever.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Losing Focus
I guess from time to time we all lose focus; at least I do. That's what has recently happened to me. I lost my focus. Well, that's not entirely true. What happened is that I started to focus on the wrong things. Instead of focusing on where I want to be and where I want to go in my life, I started to focus on the negatives. I started to focus on what I didn't want. I started to pay attention to all the things that are going and have gone wrong in my life. Then, it seems that things just started to snowball from there.
It's true that whatever you focus on you, you get more of. In my business, I've been so focused lately on how I haven't made a placement that I almost forgot how much I enjoy having the freedom of working for myself and how much I enjoy the challenge of trying to find that one person that is needed to fill that position. i've forgotten that this is my dream. If I focus on the joys of my work, then the rest will eventually take care of itself.
I must remember to keep focused on what I want and why I want it. If I do that, the opportunities to achieve it all will present themselves. I must remember that everything happens on time, every time. When you stop and focus on the wrong things, you just get more of it.
It's true that whatever you focus on you, you get more of. In my business, I've been so focused lately on how I haven't made a placement that I almost forgot how much I enjoy having the freedom of working for myself and how much I enjoy the challenge of trying to find that one person that is needed to fill that position. i've forgotten that this is my dream. If I focus on the joys of my work, then the rest will eventually take care of itself.
I must remember to keep focused on what I want and why I want it. If I do that, the opportunities to achieve it all will present themselves. I must remember that everything happens on time, every time. When you stop and focus on the wrong things, you just get more of it.
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